The Miracle
by dear pearlie
Summary: after "Fight the Future," Scully and Mulder are separated. Scully experiences a miracle of her own.
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: after watching _Fight the Future_, this popped into my head. like a bad tune, it wouldn't go away until I wrote it down. this won't be as long as "outside the lines," but hopefully just as important. I hope you enjoy!**

**disclaimer: not mine, don't sue...**

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**"The Miracle"**

_**by: dear pearlie**_

The sun was shining brightly, the birds were singing sweetly, and everything was beautiful.

These were the days Fox Mulder hated the most.

It was only 6:13, he had time to close his eyes and try to shut out the lovely morning it was going to be. No… just closing his eyes would not be enough. He rolled onto his stomach, taking his pillow and wrapping it tightly around his head. Pretending it was raining and gloomy. Pretending that nature matched his mood, his life, since his partner had left it.

This is how every morning for five years of his life had begun.

Dana Scully had been transferred from the X-files five years, three months, and two days ago, but who was counting? She shouldn't have still been haunting his life. Her vibrant hair, her radiant smile, and yes, even her skeptical attitude permeated every part of him, though. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but Mulder's heart had only grown hard and cold over five years, three months, and two days. It was like she had left a reserve of herself when she left, and for that time he had been living off of it. But if that were really the case, Mulder knew he used all her essence up long, long ago. He felt he hadn't had enough of her even when he saw her every day. He'd call her at all hours of the night; drop by whenever he had the chance. He could never get enough of her.

And then she was gone.

The night she moved, he'd gone over to her apartment. For what purpose, he wasn't really sure. Was it because of his masochistic tendency to dwell on that which causes him pain? Was it to suck up whatever was left of her presence—her smell, perhaps? Or was it to ultimately, deeply prove to himself that she was ultimately, deeply gone. His strength, his touchstone, his _partner_ just simply not there.

It had been difficult enough to accept that simple fact, but she knew him too well. She knew he'd show up there, for one of the aforementioned reasons or one completely separate. She knew he'd be there, so she left him a note.

And it read:

_Mulder,_

_ Before my medical training in college, before my FBI training at Quantico, there was one skill I had mastered so that it became not only second nature, but an inevitability, and a way of life._

_ Saying goodbye._

_ We could go on and on about how this came to be. It most likely stems from my military upbringing as a child, in which at the drop of a hat my life could be uprooted. Whether it be five miles or five hundred miles, the affect was always the same. When a child experiences that six or seven times during their short life, they develop certain attributes that no child should have to develop. Detachment. Aloofness. As human beings, we do what we must to survive. _

_ But Mulder, we always go on and on and look at how far we've come in five years. Plainly, what I'm trying to say is that through all the new houses, schools, and beds, I've never found in anyone what I've found in you. So I'm sorry to do this. I'm sorry to put you through this. But I can't let you go, and for that reason, you cannot be a part of my new life. You're in my apartment now, standing in the middle of my living room, no doubt, and it may seem empty. But parts of me are still there. The best parts of me. Those parts are yours forever. _

_ It hurts me more than words can say to have to tell you this. You've given me so much—your trust, your courage, your friendship. I hope I've left enough of me there to reciprocate. I hate to fail and I hate to admit it even more. But even with all of my experience and expertise, I cannot say goodbye to you in person. I cannot give you what you deserve from Utah. Why? Maybe I'm afraid. Maybe I'm not as good at this as I think I am. Whatever the reason, you must know that you are very dear to my heart, and that is what lies at the core of my request. So please, go… find yourself someone to keep you safe. Find the truth you so diligently seek. Fight and fight for your beliefs now that you don't have me to tie you down because you are the only one who will. _

_ And please don't forget me. I will never forget you._

_ All My Love,_

_ Scully_

Her words had shocked him speechless and thoughtless for several moments. He had been planning his visits out to her, especially in the form of cases that he would use as an excuse to get out there. The calculations had already run through his head—he'd be able to visit her at least twice every three months and talk to her on the phone once a day for 71 minutes before it would become cheaper to move there. She'd known this, and that is why she'd said what she said. Then, anger had set over him. If there was one thing in this world Mulder could not stand, it was being lied to. She could pretend all she wanted that she was inept in some way, but the real reason Mulder knew she wanted no part of him anymore was because she was thinking about her future and safety. She'd said it herself, everyone does what they can to survive. What Scully was doing was washing herself clean of him, and he hated her for it.

For a split second. And then he thought of all that had happened to her because of him. Her abduction, her sister's death, cancer, not to mention the disrespect she received from her colleagues just because she was associated with him. Hell, even the sleep she lost reliving some of their more horrific cases had been more than she'd had to endure. Mrs. Spooky wanted a divorce. And for all of his anger and hurt, Mulder could not blame her.

But that hadn't made his life any easier. For five years, three months, and two days, Mulder had been effectively dead. Dead in every way a person could be while their heart was still beating in their chest. He quit challenging his superiors because he didn't have the energy. When the X-files were re-opened, he'd pursued them only because she'd expressly told him to. He stuck to the book because it was easier, he'd closed the case on Samantha...

Samantha. Another person in his life he'd let down and as a result, had been taken from his life forever. He thought about wearing a shirt that warned women of his companionship, but his actions spoke loudly enough. Mulder had barely lifted his eyes from the ground in five years, he certainly hadn't been looking anywhere else. He woke up missing her. He went to sleep missing her. He was a man prone to obsessiveness, and this was a shining example of that trait.

And he thought, for five years, three months, and two days, that he could live this way for the rest of his life.

Until he saw Margaret Scully in the grocery store.

He saw her first, but had tried to avoid her. What would they talk about? What kind of interaction could he possibly have with her that wouldn't lead to another pang in his crippling depression? But just as he'd been about to duck into the cereal aisle, she'd spotted him. And she called out to him.

"Fox? Fox, is that you?" she asked, walking up to him. She still looked like the same old Mrs. Scully. Warm eyes, loving arms, _'the type of Mom you'd put in a nice nursing home,'_ he thought to himself with a sadistic chuckle.

"Hi Mrs. Scully. How are you?" he tried to sound enthused. He failed. Miserably.

"I'm still kicking, if that's enough."

"That's more than enough, Mrs. Scully."

"It's Maggie, Fox. You know that."

He did.

"So, how have you been? It seems like it's been forever," she cut right to the chase. After all, they were standing in the cereal aisle.

"I'm doing alright. Still at the FBI. Not much has changed, I'm afraid."

"Oh you're still with the bureau? Dana left awhile ago."

Mulder internally seized. He hadn't wanted to know anything about Scully's life. He'd rather live in ignorance, keeping her in a stasis within his mind. But the reality was that she was leading a life separate from his, and Maggie was certainly allowed to talk about it.

"Oh really? I'm happy for her."

"Yeah, after the baby was born, she just found it to be too much of a risk," Maggie offered, obviously not aware of the terms on which her daughter left Mulder.

The wind was knocked out of him when that sentence left her mouth. Did Maggie Scully know the effect she was having on him? What her words were doing to him physically? A baby? It was more than impossible… deep inside he knew there was dirty working afoot.

He made his decision right then and there to find her. Because They hadn't just successfully separated them, They'd fucked with her body again. A fire that had been out for a long time was suddenly rekindled in his belly. He had to find her. For her sake.

For his.

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**please review! I'd really like to know what you think of this story :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: I'm really pleased with the response this story has gotten. because of that, I popped out this shortie in record time. I hope you like it and keep reading!**

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_Crack._

_Crack._

_Crack._

Mulder chewed on his sunflower seeds, but the sounds they made as they popped open may as well have been his heart breaking. He'd been tailing her all day, staking out her home and job until she jumped in her car and headed over to the ABC Child Development Center. Not unusually, he'd had a one-track mind since Maggie had spilled the beans about Scully's child. It hadn't been hard to find her, but that was as far as Mulder's search went, and he left the very next morning for Utah. He had not only respected her wishes for five years, Mulder knew that in this situation, the more information he had, the worse off he was. For example, what if he found she'd gotten married? It wasn't an extreme possibility, after all, she did have a child. If he knew she had a husband, it might interfere with his natural instinct to follow her and make sure she was okay. And that was something he simply could not afford to have weighing him down.

From his investigation that morning, it didn't seem like she had a husband. In fact, she'd made some major changes since she'd left, but it was quite obvious that hadn't been one of them. For one thing, she didn't live in Salt Lake City anymore, if she ever had. Her two story brick home was located in an upscale suburb. She left at 7 in the morning for Saint Francis Hospital, where parked in doctors' parking. At 3 p.m., she left there for the preschool they were both sitting at now. He'd only gotten brief glimpses of her throughout the day. Her hair was longer. Much longer, past her shoulders, and that sent an overpowering urge between his legs. During their years as partners, he'd witnessed her soft baby face turn hard and contoured, and it seemed to him that the process had continued despite his absence from her life. She'd lost weight.

But she was still stunningly, obviously, breathtakingly beautiful.

Why was he there? She'd asked him specifically not to interfere with her new life, yet here he was, following her and observing her like she was some type of suspect. If she knew what he'd been doing, she'd mutilate him so thoroughly that he'd probably need to enter the witness protection program. For all this was doing to him, getting the chance to see her again definitely wasn't worth it.

Until he saw a dark-haired little girl emerge from the building and run up to Scully's sleek black SUV. That was when he knew it was worth it. That was when he knew he had to confront her—had to talk to her and be close to her after five years, three months, and three days.

She glowed as he exited his rental car and ran across the parking lot. She and her child were the only ones in his entire world as he came closer and closer to them, the finish line at the end of his gloom. He walked faster and faster until he could almost taste them, almost feel them—

_Thud. _

His head bounced off the asphalt like a rubber ball after the car that hit him screeched to a halt. He didn't even get to see his long-haired, sharp-nosed, thin partner running toward him before the world faded to black.

XXX

"Easy Mulder," her gentle words eased to him as he frantically tried to escape his drug-induced haze a few hours later. At first, he couldn't even tell that it had been five years, three months, and three days since the woman next to his bed had been his partner. They had been in this situation before. His passion undoubtedly getting him into peril. Her grace saving him and her diligence in sitting beside him until she was absolutely sure he was alright. Was he waking up from a bad dream, or a nightmare, rather? Had he sustained an injury while on the job that had forced him to look upon this world where she was no longer a constant in his life? It wouldn't be the strangest thing to ever happen to him.

But as he opened his eyes and saw her long hair, her sharp nose, and her thin body, he knew it wasn't. And reality came rushing back to him painfully.

"Scu—Scull—" he struggled, but the word would not come. Not that it hadn't been on his mind and on his lips every moment since she'd left.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you to look both ways before you cross the street?"

She was too at ease. She was too comfortable. _'Oh my God,'_ his drug and trauma-riddled brain thought, _'she saw me.'_

He should have considered their paranormal attraction to each other.

"Didn't I ever manage to tell you that?" Scully asked, running her heavenly fingers close to his temple, looking at him but not looking at him. Reflecting.

"Scuh—lee," Mulder tried again, but to no avail.

"Shhh, I'm here. You know you really might want to consider a different model stake-out car. I knew it was you at 7:30 when I saw the Ford Taurus."

There were so many things they weren't saying. There were so many things that after five years, three months, and three days, needed to be said. But neither party could bring themselves to utter the words. _I'm sorry. I love you. I need you_. Mulder struggled for them, and Scully struggled to keep them at bay.

"Try to rest," she ordered after his failed attempt to sit up, "You're very lucky, Mulder, that you didn't suffer any more than a concussion. I talked with the driver of the vehicle, but it looks like you're on your own with this one. I'll be back in the morning to see how you're doing."

And of course, because she was Scully, she added before she reached the door, "And be good."

Not the way Mulder envisioned this day occurring, but effective nonetheless. Life has a funny way of working things out in the best possible way sometimes. And for Mulder, that meant ending up in the hospital.

With Scully there to kiss his boo-boos.


	3. Chapter 3

**here's the next installment! hope you all enjoy!**

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"Mr. Mulder, we don't advise you to leave the hospital so soon after a traumatic injury such as the one you experienced," the young nurse sternly told Mulder as he leaned over her station, demanding to be let out of there. _"Typical Mulder," _Scully thought as she arrived on the scene. Not only did he disobey her, but he was downplaying his head injury in order to escape a hospital. She decided to stand back and see what kind of method he would use to get his way. Would he scream and shout? Would he flirt his way out of the situation?

"I'll take that into consideration," he surprised her by remaining totally calm. Caustic, yes, but completely level-headed.

"Would you please at least let me speak with a doctor?" the nurse begged him. Scully could tell from where she was standing that the girl's heart rate was climbing. This was probably her first job, one of her first days, and luck would have it that she would get stuck taking care of a patient like Fox Mulder. She had to save her. For the sake of all medical professionals.

"You can speak with me now," Scully came forward, shocking both Mulder and the young nurse. Mulder groaned and closed his eyes like a man who had just had to insert his whole foot into his mouth. The nurse grinned a bit smugly. Yes, it had taken some string-pulling, particularly because Mulder's injury didn't fall within her area of expertise, children's neurological diseases, to be allowed to be his primary doctor while he was staying at Saint Francis hospital, but Dr. Dana Scully was a well-respected woman in her workplace, and it was generally not hard for her to get what she wanted.

"Dr. Scully, this man is checking himself out against medical opinion. Now I've been trying—"

"I'll speak with him alone, thank you. I'm sure Mr. Mulder will be reasonable," she played him up so that he would have to act as she portrayed him. Taking Mulder by the arm, they sat down together on a couch not far from the nurses' station.

"I thought I told you to be good?" Scully asked him.

"Scully… I came here because, well… I came here for a lot of reasons. But now I know that it was a mistake. I'm going back to DC," he quieted her as she began to protest, "I'll be sure to follow up with doctors there. I just… need to go."

"I know why you came here Mulder," she said quietly, intimately. As his expression asked the question, she gave the answer, "My mother called that night to tell me she saw you in the grocery store. And I just knew it'd be a matter of time. You moved quicker than I expected, though, I'll say that."

"It's been so long," he sighed, defeated.

"Five years, three months, and four days," she told him, able to read his mind after so long.

"And I thought you'd be angry."

There was a long pause between what he said and what she said next, and Mulder was trying to decide if she really was angry. She didn't seem angry, but she hadn't seemed angry a lot during the time they were partners, and she still went to Salt Lake City when offered the opportunity. He wanted to badly to be in her graces again, but he didn't have high hopes for himself. Mulder's fight-or-flight instincts were firing up again, and he tried to flee the scene. She grabbed his arm, though, and pulled him down next to her once more. He forgot how strong she was. He forgot how he couldn't resist her.

"Sit, Mulder. I'm not angry, but… my life has changed a lot since I left Washington. And… I want there to be a place for you in it."

Despite their supposed doctor-patient relationship, Mulder wrapped his arms around Scully tightly. She lay her head on his shoulder, remembering old times. It had been five years (and three months and four days), but she had never forgotten what it felt like to be in his arms. It was a feeling she had tried to replicate with so many other substitutes, but had never quite succeeded. Her heart leapt and locked with his.

"I'll do anything, Scully," Mulder vowed to her.

"Then go back in that room and do as I say," she took the opportunity to get him to stay in the hospital for another night.

"You tricked me."

"Mulder, as soon as you get out of here, we'll talk. Really talk. And you can meet my daughter."

Daughter. A smile could not help growing on his lips, despite the fear in his heart. Scully had a daughter. Scully was a mommy. A dream that she'd always dreamed had come true. That thought alone was enough to put him to sleep for the night.


	4. Chapter 4

**thanks for your wonderful reviews! they really are the life blood of this story!**

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Every bump she went over, every time they braked, Mulder's head pounded. Even he knew he probably shouldn't be out of the hospital yet, but he and Scully had come to a compromise that morning when he'd tried to escape again. The condition was that he could leave the hospital if he agreed to stay at Scully's home until she thought he was okay to leave.

It hadn't taken a lot of arm-twisting to get him to say yes, but had he known Scully's new hometown was also home to the world's biggest potholes, he may have reconsidered.

"Sculleee," he moaned, holding his head with both hands.

"We're almost there, calm down," she said in her no-nonsense tone of voice. He'd missed that tone of voice.

"Now I know why I drove everywhere when we were partners," he tried an off-color joke. It went over just as well as expected.

"You'd better watch your mouth, Mulder. I'm your doctor again, and I say when you can go home."

"Are you holding me hostage, Dr. Scully?"

"Well it doesn't sound as bad when you say it."

They both chuckled but rode in silence until they pulled up to a two-story brick home on a quiet street that was familiar to both of them. As she helped him out of the passenger's side, he couldn't help but notice the chalk drawings on the driveway. The prospect of Scully's family, no matter what it consisted of, hit Mulder harder than it ever had before, and he gulped. Who was he to disrupt this life she had created?

It had been five years (and three months and five days), but he still remembered the smell of Scully's apartment. Clean and comforting. Linen and lilac. Not too earthy, not too flowery. Just… Scully. Her new home smelled the same.

"Mulder? You okay?" she had to ask because he had stopped right in her doorway. Not entering. Not sure if he could walk on the sacred ground. He was uncomfortable entering this new, or rather old, life.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay in a hotel?" he had to ask.

"I'm sure. Now come in. I'm not paying to heat the outside."

She was more confident than him. She always had been, in many ways, but he hadn't expected them to gel together so easily again. It was all her. And he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Where's your daughter?" Mulder mustered the courage to ask as they walked through a toy-ravished living room and into the kitchen, where Scully checked her messages.

"At preschool. The nanny stays with her after I leave until 11 when she takes her. Then I pick her up at 3."

Mulder nodded, his attempts at conversation failed. Scully continued to listen to messages, occasionally jotting something down on the notepad that sat next to the phone. He took the opportunity to look around her kitchen. Organized, but lived in. Cream walls, just like her apartment in Georgetown. The alphabet magnets on the refrigerator endeared him. Next to them was a stick figure drawing obviously done by little hands. On the bottom right corner of the page, in someone else's handwriting, was the name "Sam." Mulder's heart temporarily stopped beating in his chest. No. It had to be someone else's drawing. One of her patients', anyone's but…

"Scully?" he asked, but got a finger that said "wait." Palms sweaty and pulse racing, he obeyed on the edge of his seat.

"What is it?" she addressed him when the long button on her answering machine beeped, indicating no more messages.

"Umm, what… what is your daughter's name?" he stuttered, looking at the refrigerator. Scully's eyes followed his to the picture, and his tone was explained. At least one thing pertaining to Mulder was explained.

"Samantha," she stated clearly and without hesitation. She hoped he wasn't hurt, as his expression revealed little. When she'd named her daughter, she doubted she would ever see him again.

"Samantha," he whispered, looking down, "Why?"

It wasn't an accusation. The tears that were trickling down his face were tears of shock, not anger or sorrow. Scully released a deep breath she didn't even know she'd been holding.

"I wanted to honor my time with you. I wanted you to live on in my life. I'd left you with nothing and took nothing of you… it was nice to have you back in some way."

They were both crying now, looking down at their entwined hands. Forehead to forehead, he had to ask more questions. He had to be sure…

"She's not… one of them?" Mulder asked painfully, thinking of Emily.

"No. She's a perfectly healthy, perfectly normal four-year-old girl."

"Are you sure?"

"I can't explain it, Mulder, but that's what she is."

"She's a miracle," he was having a hard time accepting.

"She's nothing less, she's nothing more."

"So I assume she was made the old fashioned way then?"

"Mulder… I got married six months after I moved here," she was surprised he didn't know. That revelation only made the tears come harder. He didn't know. He hadn't wanted to know what she was doing with her life, especially so close to the time she moved. That had been his angry phase, when he was mad at her for leaving, and before he could blame himself for everything that ever went wrong in her life.

"Jeez Scully," he laughed and sniffled at the same time.

"I was almost 35, Mulder. I was nervous and I thought I was in love."

"You thought?"

"His name was Paul Berman. He's a CPA in Salt Lake. I found out he'd been screwing his secretary for months about a year after Sam was born. She sees him one weekend a month," Scully explained her life like she was reading it out of a textbook. The man must have really hurt her if she was still that clinical about it. Mulder promised himself that if he ever had the pleasure of meeting Paul, it would be a meeting that Paul certainly would never live down.

"I'm so sorry Scully," he said because, what else could he say? It was obvious that she'd run away from him, but she'd run straight into the arms of another man that would hurt her. He smoothed down her hair and kissed her temple.

"It was my mistake, Mulder. I was foolish and this is where foolish people end up," he knew she wasn't just talking about Paul. "But I shouldn't be crying. Sam is a great kid. Every time I feel like my life is circling the drain, she's there to pick me up again. She's everything. She's my world."

Another pang of sadness hit Mulder, this time for himself. He'd known not long after her cancer diagnosis and the subsequent finding of her ovum that if Scully would never have children, he would never have children either. But the evidence of her daughter was all around him, heavy in Scully's words, and he wanted to experience that with her more than anything. He wanted a perfect little miracle daughter with Scully's eyes. He had new dreams now.

"Then I'm happy for you. That is, if you're happy Scully. If you're happy I'll leave and I'll never bother you again. But I came here because my life has not been the same without you."

"I don't want you to leave," she said in a small voice, not ready for his confession.

"I tried, Scully, for five years to forget about you. I took everything from you, and I knew you were better off here. You are better off without me. But you always were and always will be the best part of me."

She was about to protest, about to tell him how much he enriched her life, when she heard the front door open. She'd asked Rosie, the nanny, to pick Sam up as well as drop her off from school today, knowing that she'd have her hands full with Mulder.

"Go clean yourself up, Mulder. Then you can meet her."

Little footsteps entered the living room, Sam happily jumping into her mother's arms when she came into view. There was no doubt about it, she was a mommy's girl. They were best friends. Sometimes, they were all each other had in the world.

"Hi Mommy!" the little girl exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her neck and burying her face under her chin.

"Hi baby," Scully kissed her, supporting her behind the knees as she stood up and paid the nanny, "How was school today?"

"Good. I gotta color a picture for tomorrow."

"Well, you'd better get on that."

"Okay. Can you get my crayons for me?"

"Absolutely."

"And can I have a snack?"

"Goodness you're needy," the proud mother joked as she brought her daughter into the kitchen. The first floor bathroom was just down the hall, and as Mulder came out, he could watch Sam without being seen by her. She was beautiful. Gorgeous chestnut hair that came down to her shoulder blades, fair skin like her mother's, and piercing blue eyes. Looking at her, there was no question that she was a miracle. She was exactly what Scully deserved and Mulder's only sorrow was that he hadn't been the one to give her to her.

Scully washed a bowl of grapes and set them in front of her daughter while she got started on her coloring. She watched her work diligently at her homework before noticing Mulder in the entryway to the kitchen doing the same. Hoping Sam was engrossed enough to keep working as she walked over to him, she tiptoed his way.

"That's her. Samantha Ann _Scully_," she stressed her last name. It was hers, not her ex-husband's, "She just turned four."

"I can't believe it. She's amazing," Mulder whispered.

Sensing how much Mulder wanted to get closer to the girl, Scully slightly encouraged him.

"You can go talk to her. She knows who you are, Mulder. You won't scare her."

Mulder gave his old partner an amazed, yet honored, look. Scully had made him a part of her daughter's life in more ways than one. It was as if she were constantly trying to make up the way she left to him, but he strongly felt that it was he who owed her something. Something he could never repay.

Still, Mulder walked slowly into the kitchen, standing on the opposite side of the island counter that the little girl was coloring at. It took her a few seconds, but Samantha soon realized that someone other than her mom was standing near her. She looked up slowly and caught Mulder's gaze completely.

"Hi," he said, breathless after a few seconds of staring.

"You're Mulder," the four-year-old quickly realized, not once looking for her mother like Mulder expected her to.

"I am. And you're Samantha," Mulder smiled warmly.

"You were Mommy's partner at the FBI." It was Mulder who looked over to Scully after she said that. How much of her old life was the little girl privy to? Did Scully even consider it her old life, as Mulder did?

"Yes I was. You're very smart."

"Thank you. Why are you crying?"

Not only smart, but insightful.

"I'm just happy to meet you," Mulder tried to use that cover for the reaction he'd had to reconnecting with Scully.

"Oh. Do you want a grape?"

Mulder accepted, and that was the start of his role in Samantha Scully's life.


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n: fluff and some serious Scully/Mulder angst ahead. you have been warned.**

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It had been a long time since she'd been on a date with a man who pulled her chair out for her. But Mulder walked over to the chair just as soon as they approached their table, almost as if it were programmed into him. Scully couldn't help the smile that spread over her face.

They had a new count going on. It had been 148 hours and 37 minutes since they had re-entered each other's lives. And now here they were, stealing looks across the table and gently rubbing feet under it. Both were wondering exactly what that meant for their relationship, but neither was prepared to stop because they didn't know. It had been a long time since they felt so alive.

When Mulder asked Scully out to dinner on his fifth day in Salt Lake (120 hours and 13 minutes since he'd been hit by the car), she hadn't known exactly how to respond. Most of his time there had been spent silently reassuring her that he was there. Small kisses to the forehead when Sam wasn't looking, finding their hands clasped together with no recollection of how they became that way, and of course, his hand on the small of her back… these were the things they did to try to mend each other's broken hearts. But vocalizing their feelings was something they were both unfamiliar with, and Scully felt that was the way the night would go.

But of course she asked Rosie if she could babysit Sam for the night. And of course she bought a new dress. And of course she couldn't stop smiling.

Until after she sat down in the chair he pulled out for her. Because she knew he wanted to go there. And Scully didn't know if she was ready.

"What will you have?" Mulder asked, sensing the sudden hesitation and trying to break the ice.

"Um, I don't know. What are you having?"

"Probably the chicken alfredo. It could just be because I'm hungry, but I could really go for it right now."

"Ew, I don't want to leave here feeling disgustingly fat."

"Oh please Scully. You do _not_ have to worry about your weight."

"You don't know what it's like, Mulder! Sam's a little kid, she loves carbs. French fries, spaghetti, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, pancakes… sometimes it's easier to make those things than to fight with her to eat butternut squash or carrots."

"I could probably fit my hands around your waist."

"You've got big hands."

"Stop it."

"I'm sorry. I gained 55 lbs. when I was pregnant with Sam and it took me a long time to lose it. Not to mention I'm getting older and—"

"Scully," Mulder wasted no time in enveloping her hand with his, "you are beautiful. You always have been, and you always will be."

Without warning, tears sprang to Scully's eyes. He was so sincere. She'd missed his sincerity. Who was she kidding? She'd missed every ounce and every square inch of this man since she'd made the worst decision of her life.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" she sniffled and tried to compose herself as the drinks came. Mulder acknowledged what she had to do to keep strong.

"Not yet. Later. You just eat, drink, and be merry for the time being. Let me worry about the rest."

XXX

She tried to take his advice, but it was very hard to keep calm throughout the meal while she knew they had bigger issues to tackle. Somehow, they made it through dinner, and Mulder insisted on taking the check. It was just as frustrating as ever for Scully to allow him to do that. Not even while she was dating her ex-husband had she ever let him pay for a full meal on his own. She had too much pride and independence to do that.

And now that she thought about it, she could not remember letting any man pay for her full meal besides Mulder. She didn't know if it was because she had a weakness for him to begin with or because he was so damn persistent, but it was something to think about.

She knew exactly how the night was going to pan out when Mulder pulled up to a parking lot along the Jordan River Parkway Trail. Bodies of water always brought out honesty in them. Back in DC, the reflecting pool had been _their_ spot, more so than either of their homes or even the basement office, and it was regarded between the two of them as a place where they could be totally truthful with each other. No harsh feelings. No judgment. Just honesty. There was no doubt that walking along the river at night would elicit the same reactions from both of them.

Sometimes, she hated how Mulder knew her.

"I never knew how pretty it was out here," Mulder quipped as they walked, looking past the river and to the mountains beyond.

"Yeah. It's nice scenery. But it's…"

"Different?" he finished.

"Much different than anywhere I've ever lived."

"Is it good different or bad different?"

"Mulder," she stopped for a second, searching his eyes, but afraid of what she would find there. So they kept walking. "I should have never left."

The last part of her statement was quiet and directed more toward the ground, but it was powerful nonetheless.

"We all do what we have to in order to survive."

"I haven't been doing the best job of that."

"I think you have been. You're a wonderful doctor, a great mother to a beautiful little girl… don't sell yourself short just because I'm bringing back a lot of memories from the past. If anyone survived this, it's you."

"You call being cheated on by a guy I knew six months before I married surviving? Going through every day knowing what you once were, what you once were a part of, and doing something so mundane… so pointless—"

"Saving children's lives is not mundane or pointless. That's what you were meant to do, Scully, save lives. As an FBI agent and as a doctor. Coming from someone whose own life you saved countless times, I promise you, you are important. And you're doing the right thing."

"All the lives I save cannot add up to the ones that I wrecked. Yours. And mine."

Mulder stopped so abruptly that the way he had his arm around Scully's shoulders caused her to be jerked backwards. It didn't matter. His hands were cupping her cheeks immediately after that.

"You never wrecked my life. You brought hope to my life. You brought change. You brought meaning. I have never for a second blamed you for leaving. If anyone owes anyone, it's me. I owe you everything, Scully… and you owe me nothing."

His words caused her tears to flow down her cheeks like twin rivers, but Mulder was cradling her head close to his chest anyway, so she let them fall. It had been a long time since she'd allowed herself to cry for this man, and the experience was as cleansing as if they had jumped in the river together.

Anguish had hung like a cloud over both of them for too long.

"I've given up on almost everything I used to hold true. But I've never given up or lost faith in you, Scully. And I… I never stopped loving you."

Her heart stopped. He couldn't be saying the exact words she'd wanted to hear him say for five years and three months and… who the fuck cares anymore?

He mistook her silence for her not reciprocating his feelings, and hung his head. As always, though, she was there to lift him back up.

"I love you too," Scully was barely able to say before his lips covered hers in an intense, sorrowful, guilty, necessary kiss.

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**tell me what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**another amazing thanks to all my readers and reviewers! I am so lucky to have you guys to validate my writing.**

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"_Flight 39 to DC is now boarding at gate 11,"_ they heard over the intercom. Both inwardly and outwardly, Scully cringed. So he didn't have to see her react to the announcement, Mulder made a deal of bending down to pick up his bag. He was about eye-level with Sam.

"Do you have to go Mulder?" she asked, clutching her mom's hand. At first, it had been hard for the little girl to adjust to another person, a man, who took up a large part of her mother's heart, living in her home. But after a trip to the zoo and the toy store, Mulder knew she was secure in her favorable opinion of him. But it wasn't as if he was just buying her, for the week that he'd stayed with Scully they'd let Rosie take a vacation. When Scully went to work, Sam stayed with Mulder. He'd attended many a tea party during his time with Sam.

"Yeah sweetie, I'm afraid I do."

"Why?"

"I have to go home. I have to feed my fish and go to work."

"When you're done, will you come back?"

Her innocence touched his heart in a way that made him feel alive again. He'd love to tell her yes. He'd love to just click his heels together every weekend and be in Salt Lake City. But it wasn't that easy.

"I'll be back before you know it. But here honey," he pulled a business card out of his pocket, "this is my phone number. Any time you want to talk to me, you just dial that number, and it will be like I'm standing right next to you."

Sam looked up at her mom with pride, and Scully made sure to do her best to hide the evidence of the tears in her eyes. Ever since their date and river walk, where they shared that heated kiss, their relationship had blossomed to a new level. She didn't know if she would call Mulder her "boyfriend" or her "significant other," but what she did know was that she did not want him to leave.

"And now for Mommy," Mulder slowly stood up and wrapped his arms around Scully's waist. She wished he would stop making his actions so sexual right before he flew thousands of miles East.

"Don't be sad," he whispered in her ear, pressing kisses to her cheek and jaw line, "If you're sad I'm sad. And if I'm sad, I won't be able to leave."

"Then don't go," she said simply, not able to meet his gaze.

"I wish I didn't have to," Mulder cuddled her close, feeling her break down in his arms.

She knew it was useless to cry. She knew she'd feel stupid later for letting her emotions get so out of control. But at that moment, sobbing into Mulder's chest, all she could coherently get out was, _"Stay."_

His heart was tearing in two.

"_I'll be right here,"_ he did his best impersonation of E.T., and it made her laugh. Scully held on to her partner for dear life as she tried to calm down. Sam, who had been witness to all of this, saw Mulder then kiss her mother passionately on the lips, and her heart fluttered. It was the first time she'd seen two adults do that in real life, not on TV.

"Kiss me Mulder!" she bounced up and down excitedly. Mulder scooped her up into his arms and gave her several quick pecks on the cheeks and forehead. Then, as she was still hoisted up at eye-level, he gathered Sam and Scully in for one last embrace.

"I love you two. I'll always be thinking about you guys. Prepare yourselves for a lot of phone calls."

"Love you Mulder," Sam said sweetly, burying her face into the crook of his neck. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the last passengers start to board the plane he was supposed to be on. Setting Sam down, he took Scully's face in his hands once more.

"I love you so much," were his final words to her before rushing off to catch his flight. He sealed them with a kiss, and then Scully was left to stand there, her daughter's hand in her own, trembling with loss.

XXX

They stayed to watch the plane take off, but before it disappeared into the clear night sky, Sam was whining to be held. It was way past her bedtime, both of theirs, since Mulder had opted to take the red eye back to DC in order to spend an extra full day with them. She couldn't believe how much he changed their lives all within the space of a few days. But after thinking about it for a second, it wasn't hard to imagine. Ten years ago when she'd first walked into his office, he'd changed her life. The first time she ever looked at his face, she knew things would never be the same. She wondered if he had felt that way too.

"Come on girlie, let's get you home," Scully finally turned away from the window, rubbing Sam's back soothingly. The little girl's head was hitting her shoulder, so Scully gently encouraged her to leave it there.

"Momma, where is Mulder going?" she asked sleepily. It would only be a matter of time.

"He's going back home. Remember? To Washington, DC."

"How far away is that?"

"Two thousand miles."

"That's a lot, huh?"

"It certainly is."

Mother and daughter did not exchange any more words until they reached their car. Scully had thought it was because Sam had fallen asleep, and was surprised to find when she put her in her car seat that she was still awake.

"When will Mulder be back Mommy?" she began to inquire again.

"It's hard to tell. Mulder works a lot and he's very far away," Scully didn't even want to admit to herself, but had once vowed to always be truthful with her daughter.

"He better come back soon, he forgot his sweatshirt."

Sure enough, in the back seat next to Sam was an old Oxford sweatshirt that Mulder had grabbed out of his overnight bag and let Sam wear when she got too cold walking around the zoo.

"Maybe we can mail it to him," she offered.

"No, we gotta keep it safe here."

"We'll talk about it more tomorrow."

By the time they got home, Samantha was definitely sound asleep, and Scully used that as an excuse to sit in the garage for a few minutes after she pulled in and think. It would be hard to walk in her home after having Mulder stay with them for several days, only to find it empty. She couldn't believe he loved her back. After five years of trying to forget him, she felt like she didn't deserve that happiness. Hearing how his life had gone since she'd left the X-files had only made her feel more guilty, and a bit unworthy of the type of feelings they shared for each other. But his lips were so soft and his kisses were so sweet, now that she'd had a taste of him, there was no way she could ever let him go again.

Sam didn't stir a bit as Scully put her pajamas on her and helped her brush her teeth. She was her in so many ways, it was scary sometimes. There were plenty of things Scully didn't like about herself that she didn't want Sam to pick up on. Thankfully, she now had hope that Mulder would provide a perfect counter to some of her less desirable qualities. Then, Scully stopped herself in her tracks. She was already thinking of Mulder as a father-figure to her daughter. Deep breaths. Don't get ahead of yourself.

But he was the perfect father. So caring. It was blatantly obvious that he loved her daughter, so why shouldn't she be thinking of the positive aspects of that fact? It was too late to be having these internal battles with herself.

After tucking Sam into bed, Scully tripped over something laying on the floor in her daughter's room. One thing Sam hadn't picked up on was Scully's obsessive neatness, so she thought nothing of it. But she did look down. And she saw the sweatshirt. Sam must have tucked it under her arm before leaving the car. Or fate had set it on the floor for her to trip over. Either way, she picked it up, brought it close to her nose, and inhaled. Mulder's scent was indescribable. It was spice with a little hint of musk. It was his Ivory soap and his Speed Stick deodorant. But most of all, it was just _him_. There was no other word Scully could use for that last component of the smell that filled her nostrils. Safety. Security. Comfort. Love. Trust. Hope. Passion. Truth.

Mulder.

She fell asleep with the sweatshirt wrapped securely around her tiny frame.

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**if you love me (and Mulder and Scully and Sam) then review! your words make my fingers work faster :)**


	7. Chapter 7

Twelve days later, Scully's kitchen was filling with warm smells. Warm Italian smells. Even though it was going to be another four hours before he arrived (and that was if everything went according to schedule with his flight, which Scully was aware was hardly ever the case), she couldn't keep still any longer and had started their special dinner shortly after arriving home with Sam.

The time he'd spent away the past two weeks was surprisingly more than Scully could handle. Well, not so surprisingly. She'd known almost immediately after he arrived and made his presence known in Salt Lake that it would be hard to see him leave. But it made reunions like this one possible. It made the phone calls and the emails that much sweeter. The five years she'd been his partner, she'd become very accustomed to hiding her feelings and keeping her desires locked up tight. It was nice, relieving even, to now be able to voice them openly without the fear of repercussions or being split apart. And she'd bought some very interesting lingerie on her lunch break to fully take advantage of that fact.

"Mommy, the phone's ringing!" Sam shouted from the living room after the device began making noise.

"I heard it Sam, there's no need to shout," Scully herself yelled back, then shook her head. _Do as I say, not as I do. Or you'll really regret it, little girl._

"Hello?" she answered, wiping the sweat of her effort on dinner away from her brow.

"_Hey Scully,"_ his voice made her melt like only his voice could make her melt.

"Hey," Scully couldn't help the splitting grin that made its way across her face, "I can't wait for you to be here. It feels like forever since I've seen you."

When had she become a lovesick teenager?

"_Scully, I've got bad news. There have been storms back here and my flight's been cancelled."_

The news hit her like a brick. It took her a few moments to fill her lungs with the air required to respond to him.

"So… you're not… you won't be here?" her question broke his heart.

"_No sweetie,"_ Mulder admitted regretfully. He knew she tried her damndest to keep from crying, but her sniffles could be heard on the other end of the line.

"_I could always catch a flight for tomorrow—"_

"No, you'll just have to leave again."

"_I'm really sorry Scully."_

"It's not your fault."

"_But I know how disappointed you are. I know how disappointed I am."_

"Well it will just make next weekend all the more special when you get here," she tried to be positive, wishing she hadn't gotten her hopes up so high.

"_I love you so much."_

"I love you too Mulder," Scully almost burst into tears again.

"_And I will make next weekend special. I will make it up to you."_

"Just be here. That's enough."

"_I will be. Nothing can keep me away."_

XXX

Her pillow and cheeks were wet with tears that night when he crept into her room. He'd seen the candles and smelled the smells that she'd prepared for him to be there… he knew how much it broke her heart for him to cancel.

Thankfully, he'd waited out the storm for the 10 p.m. flight.

Slipping off his shoes, he lifted the duvet, hoping not to wake her. No such luck, though. She jerked awake when she felt his weight next to her on the bed, and he wished he'd had a camera to capture the look on her face when she realized it was him.

"Mulder?" she asked, not sure if she was dreaming or not.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he brushed a long strand of auburn hair from her face. She lay still for a moment, confused, but then launched herself into his arms, burying her face into the crook of his neck. Mulder couldn't tell if the wetness he felt afterwards on his skin was from her tears or her warm kisses, but he rubbed her back in a soothing manner anyway.

"I thought you weren't coming," she muttered into his chest.

"Nothing can keep me away. But I am sorry we didn't get to share that delicious dinner you made."

"We can have it tomorrow. Tonight, rather," she checked the clock on her nightstand, which read 2:42 a.m.

"Mmm, there's something else I think will curb my appetite," he flirted, running his hands under her pajama top. They took their time with each other until Scully decided it would be wise to lock her bedroom door.

XXX

"Are you sure you have to go in today?" Mulder asked Sunday morning, holding a sleepy Sam in his arms as he walked out to the garage with her.

"They're short-staffed today. But I shouldn't be too long. A few hours, maybe."

"We'll be waiting," he leaned in to kiss her. It felt wonderful to kiss her whenever and wherever he wanted. It felt wonderful to kiss her, period.

"Bye baby. Be good for Mulder," Scully also kissed her daughter, gently encouraging her thumb out of her mouth. She was four-years-old and still couldn't shake the thumb-sucking. If she kept on the way she was, she'd have braces by the time she was 12. But Scully couldn't really say much. She sucked her thumb until she was 9 and had braces from 12 to 15. She just didn't want Samantha to have to go through that.

They watched Scully pull out of the garage and stayed until the door shut. Then, Mulder switched his attention to the little girl.

"We have to get dressed, pumpkin."

"Why? I wanna watch TV."

"Can you keep a secret?" Mulder asked. Sensing this was something important, Sam raised her head from his shoulder and looked deep into his eyes. She nodded.

"I'm looking for jobs out here. I want to move to Salt Lake City to be close to you and Mommy."

"You're moving here?"

"Yup. Maybe if I'm really good, Mommy will even let me live with you guys." He knew he shouldn't get Sam's little hopes up. She hung on to every word he said already, but he couldn't imagine crushing her in the event that he and Scully didn't work out. On another level, though, he knew that there was no way he and Scully weren't going to work out. He'd die before he ever let her slip through his fingers again.

"I want you to live with us Mulder!" Sam said excitedly, any remaining hints of sleepiness gone.

"I want to live with you too. But you have to keep this a secret, Sammy. I haven't even found anything yet and I want your mom to be surprised. Do you think this can be our secret?" Mulder asked, not sure if he should entrust this kind of news to a four-year-old.

"Shhh," she said sweetly, pretending to zip up her lips and then throw away the key. Mulder laughed and kissed her, so happy she was filling a part of his life that he hadn't even known was empty.

"Come on, let's get dressed and you can go with me. Nobody's going to refuse a job to a man toting around a cute kid."

XXX

What Mulder didn't know, what Scully wasn't foolish enough to tell her small daughter, was that she didn't need to go in to work that day because they were short-staffed. Only a few days after Mulder re-entered her life, she'd started looking for positions at hospitals closer to DC. And she'd found what seemed like the perfect opportunity. A senior pediatric neurologist at the Children's Hospital of Pennsylvania. She had a preliminary phone interview that morning, but since Mulder was staying for the weekend she'd opted to do it from her office at the hospital.

It was her secretary's day off (and hers too, usually), so she felt comfortable enough to leave the door open. Pacing back and forth through her office, she clutched a framed photo tightly to her chest. It was of Mulder, Sam, and her during a canoe trip he'd taken them on the last day he'd been there two weeks ago. She clutched it because she couldn't remember a time when she'd been happier and because she couldn't believe she was lucky enough to have her life back together again.

But nerves and uncertainty were still wearing on her. It had only been two weeks since she and Mulder had found their way back to each other. Was she ready to make this kind of sacrifice for him? She knew they'd survived five years without each other… poorly, but they'd survived. But now that they were, for lack of a better term, lovers, she had to wonder if her emotions were getting in the way of what was truly best for herself and her daughter. Philadelphia was a long way away from the life they had built in Salt Lake. It was far from everything Sam had ever known. It was far from her school, her nanny, her father…

There was that hurdle to jump as well. She didn't know how well Paul would react to her taking their daughter to live on the other side of the country. Especially since it was to be closer to another man. Thinking about a potential custody fight made her entire body shudder. She'd never wanted her daughter to go through that.

Then she looked at the picture in the frame again. Knowing nothing about canoeing himself, Mulder had made sure they had a guide in the canoe with them. That way, they'd be safe, but they'd also not have to do very much in the way of "canoeing." Toward the end of the trip, Mulder handed the man his camera and asked him to take a picture of them. He and Scully had sat very close, touching in almost every way, and Sam was on his lap. She couldn't remember ever being so happy. The two most important people in her life…

She had to make the sacrifice for Mulder. It was time for her to start living her life again.

The phone rang.

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**thank you for all of your lovely reviews! they really make my day. sorry in advance for any delay in updating from here on out. it's been a fun summer of fanfiction, but I'm moving back to school tomorrow and I'm not sure how much time I'll have to write after that. don't worry, I'm still committed to this story and "outside the lines." I thought a lot about just writing for the summer, but it looks like I'm here to stay. anyway, just a heads up. and more thanks for being the very best readers in the world.**


	8. Chapter 8

**a/n: first chapter from my new dorm! sorry it's short... there's an awful lot going on here.**

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He loved to surprise her. But when he watched her walk through the door that afternoon, surprising her became the last thing on his mind. She looked utterly exhausted and defeated.

"Hey," Mulder greeted her, springing off the couch but remaining at his spot just in front of it. She had stopped in the doorway just before the living room, barely looking up even though they hadn't seen each other in over a month.

"Hi," she said, tears brimming her eyes.

"What's the matter?" he asked, tentatively stepping closer.

She looked up, almost pitifully, reminding Mulder of the Donnie Pfaster case. Being transported back eight years to that night, Mulder did the only thing he could do. He opened his arms wide, and she entered them. Scully's tears began to fall softly as she buried her face against his chest.

"I'm so happy you're here," she almost laughed. Mulder stroked her gorgeous long hair, her rock through the storm.

"Did something happen?"

Scully could barely lift her eyes to meet his. For the past month she'd been planning on moving to Philadelphia to be closer to him, but now a road block was thrown in the way. As soon as she started to live her life and be truly happy again, something had to prevent it. Just like the conspiratorial "Them" she and Mulder had fought against during her time on the X-files, there were other forces at work to keep her stuck and solitary.

She asked the love of her life to sit down and proceeded to tell him about her interviews and aspirations in Philadelphia. As she did, a disbelieving smile spread over Mulder's face. They were exactly the same.

"I mean, my life just makes more sense out East. My mom's out there, my brothers have both been transferred out there, you're there… why are you smiling?" she asked, grateful for the momentary distraction.

"I just can't believe this."

"What?"

"Us."

"Mulder," Scully said in a warning tone, letting him know she wasn't in the mood for his cryptic statements.

"Alright alright. Scully, the past month while you've been considering taking a position out East… I've been working on getting a job here."

Her mouth dropped open, and within seconds she had jumped into his arms. Mulder didn't know whether she was laughing because she truly thought the irony of the situation called for it, or because she was losing it, but he held her just the same. He still didn't know why she initially was upset, and still had to get to the bottom of it.

"Well that just makes everything better. That just makes everything _so_ much easier," she said sarcastically, still laughing, still crying, still scaring the hell out of him.

"They asked me to start teaching psychology and criminology at the University of Utah. But I could just as easily say no."

"I don't know what to do anymore. Why can't we ever just be normal together?"

He chuckled now, kissing the side of her head.

"You need to tell me why you came home crying."

Scully took a deep breath, trying to dry her eyes and be strong once more for him.

"I want to move out of this place, Mulder. I really do. Like I said, my family is on the East coast, you're out there, but for me too. This city just holds too many bad memories. And I don't want my daughter to grow up with an unhappy mother. I want to be the best mom I can be for her. But I can't do that here."

"So accept the job, move out East, and we'll live happily ever after," Mulder said like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Sam's father isn't going to make that easy," she explained quietly, hoping Mulder would remain calm for her and not act on his immediate and instinctual response to protect her. No such luck.

"Where is he?" Mulder asked, red already rising in his cheeks.

"Stop."

"Tell me!" he shouted, not realizing how much he was scaring her. She was terrified, but she straightened her spine and put on all of her armor.

"You think that finding him and 'making' him see your point of view is going to help me any?" she shouted back.

"What business is it of his where you live? He sees her one weekend a month! He couldn't possibly think that you moving is going to affect that! What kind of rights does he think he has anyway?"

"He's perfectly within his rights. And despite what he did to me, he is a good dad to Sam. We went to mediation with our lawyers today, and I tried to make it clear to him that the move wasn't going to affect his visitation, but he wouldn't have it. Paul is suing me for full custody."

As soon as those words came out of her mouth, Mulder realized how truly broken his girlfriend was. And he tried his best to put her back together.

"Scully…" he kissed her over and over and over, "you are the best mom in the world. No court is ever going to take your baby away from you. I'll make sure of it."

"I can't imagine going through this again. It was hard enough the first time, and she was a baby then. Paul was working a lot, and he more than conceded to having her one weekend a month and two weeks during the summer. I don't know if he's trying to be the World's Greatest Dad now that he's got another wife and a new family, but he doesn't understand the hell he's going to put us through. She's four now! She's four and she knows what's going on! She shouldn't have to experience this," Scully finally resorted to sobs again. It took a few minutes for him to be able to speak.

"I'll be here," was all he could offer her.

And for that night, it was enough.


	9. Chapter 9

**sorry I've been neglecting this story lately. I hope you're still reading, and if you are, I hope you like this chapter!**

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Desperate to avoid going to court, Scully sought more mediation for her and Paul. This time, though, as she walked toward the county building in the biting cold, Mulder was right behind her. It was a major concern of Scully's that she was introducing her boyfriend and the main man in her life for too many years to count to her ex-husband and father of her child, particularly because of Mulder's sometimes unpredictable temper. She couldn't, however, deny that she felt a quiet peace—a new confidence—spreading through her as he grasped her hand.

"You'll be okay?" he asked for confirmation as he held the door open for her.

"Once I get this over with," she stepped through it.

"_We_, Scully."

He was surprised when she kissed him. Hard.

"Hi, I'm Delaney Southern, I'll be your mediator," a perky young woman met them outside the room they were assigned to work in. Scully shook her hand and introduced herself, then Mulder did the same. The mediator looked confused and Scully knew why.

"I'm sorry, you're not Paul Berman?" Delaney asked Mulder.

"No," Scully was quick to jump to his defense, "Paul has a habit of being fashionably late."

"Oh," Delaney said, looking at the ground. Both Mulder and Scully were pissed off. Scully because this wasn't anything new. There were several times Sam had stood at the window hours after Paul was supposed to come pick her up, waiting. When he would show, he'd always make some lame excuse. He had to work. Little Joey, his new infant son, was sick. Elizabeth, his wife, had invited some friends over. Though he hadn't experienced that (thankfully for Paul), Mulder was angry for another reason. He knew that even though Sam wasn't his biological child, he would go to any length for her. There was no task too large, no stretch of land too far, absolutely nothing he wouldn't do for Sam to see her happy. In that spectrum, making it to a child custody mediation involving her on time didn't seem like such a large feat. But maybe that was just Mulder.

They took a seat on one side of a large square table. Delaney took a seat at the head of it. And they waited.

For thirty-five minutes.

"Sorry I'm late. So sorry," a well-dressed man with a nice smile came rushing into the room just as Delaney was about to tell them to go home. Mulder eyed the man. He was good-looking, nobody could contest that. He looked successful and intelligent and charming and everything he believed Scully should have if they didn't have such a fucked-up hold on each other. Because he was so affluent-looking, Mulder believed for a second that he really was busy, that he really did have a meeting that he couldn't get out of like he was explaining to everyone. He was a man you wanted to believe. Upon further inspection, though, Mulder detected a tiny red lipstick stain high up on his white collar. And he had the sneaking suspicion that it didn't come from his wife.

"Mr. Berman, I must remind you that if this case does end up going to trial, a judge isn't going to wait around for as long as we have. And if you are interested in obtaining full custody of your daughter, which you clearly are, that would be the most egregious mistake to make in a courtroom," Scully was very satisfied to hear Delaney say. It didn't seem to faze the smug man, though. He just nodded and finally lifted his eyes up to see who he was sitting across the table from.

"I apologize. I love my daughter more than anything," he said directly to Scully with ice in his eyes and in his voice. Mulder searched for her hand under the table, and when he found it, he was dismayed to find it just as cold. She couldn't shut down. She couldn't stop fighting just because this bastard had a strange authority over her. He was there for her now, and he was never going to leave.

The mediation finally began. Scully and Paul both gave a background of their history with Sam's custody, then explained the reasons why they felt the other was wrong. It seemed as if everything Scully said, Paul just said the opposite of, trying to make her sound stupid and unequipped. Mulder could tell that Scully was getting frustrated. Mulder could tell that Paul knew this.

"I'm sorry," Mulder finally decided to speak up, "but can we take a short break?"

Everyone in the room agreed that that was probably the best move at this point, the mediation was going nowhere and resorting into character attacks. Mulder took Scully's hand and led her out of the room first, leading her to a small corner outside of the room.

"Scully… what's going on with you?" he asked, enveloping her small hands in his own. She tried not to meet his gaze, but he caught it.

"God, what the hell did I see in that man?" she scoffed at herself to deter Mulder from the fact that he still had a big impact on her.

"You are a good mom, and Paul knows that. That's why he's been attacking you this whole time."

"He's been attacking me because that's what he does when he knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on. When I found out the truth about his affair, he even tried to pin it on me, saying I was only accusing him of that because I was the one having the affair."

"Then why are you just sitting back and letting his comments whiz past you? They're totally unsubstantiated."

"Because, Mulder, unlike Paul, I'm _only_ interested in keeping my daughter with me. It's just like back when we were in the FBI. No matter what the official story of a case was, we always knew the truth. And as long as we knew the truth, that was all that mattered."

"But I hated that, Scully. I hated that because if we knew, other people could know. But there was always something in the way."

"Can we please just drop this? Look, the mediator can see through his charm, we know he's no good, as long as we can reach an agreement today, we never have to deal with him in this setting again."

He could see the pleading in her eyes. But it still didn't make it easy for Mulder to just let go of the way Paul spoke about his girlfriend. He was powerless against her eyes, though, and leaned down to kiss her.

"I'll be back in soon, just have to make a stop in the restroom."

Scully's hands lingered on his as he parted from her.

Paul was in the bathroom cleaning off the stain from his white collar. But Mulder knew that already.

The two men didn't waste any time pretending with each other. Mulder walked right up to the second sink and splashed some cold water on his face.

"So you're the infamous Mulder," Paul said, almost insultingly.

"And you're Paul," Mulder extended his hand, dripping with hostility.

"It's nice to finally meet the man my ex-wife was running from."

Mulder really had to rein himself in at that point. The man wasn't holding back anything, showing how truly nasty his personality was.

"You got something on your shirt," he said politely. Very politely.

"So what brings you all the way out here after all this time? Give up on looking for little green men?"

_Grey_, Mulder's mind said.

"Just decided that I couldn't live without her anymore. And when I heard she had a daughter… I knew I had to be out here."

"What, so you could take credit for her happiness without doing any of the work?"

"Oh, like you did so much work. Tell me, Paul, did Dana ever tell you what her life was like in DC?"

"Yeah, she was always working long hours, she never had any time for herself, and she genuinely wasn't happy. She wasn't happy with you."

It pained Mulder to hear Paul say that, but he had to keep going. He had a feeling that the man didn't know.

"Our work left her barren, Paul. She wasn't supposed to be able to have children."

Mulder's words hit Paul like a ton of bricks. He'd had no idea.

"She was taken during our second year working together. She was gone for three months, and when she was returned, she was nearly dead. Once she recovered, she discovered that she was barren among other things…" Mulder shivered, remembering her battle with cancer and their few days with Emily. "Do you even know what she's been through?"

Paul was struck silent, and only shook his head almost imperceptibly.

"I don't know why Sam was conceived, and I won't ever want to know. But she is Dana's miracle."

Still dumbfounded, Mulder left Paul in the bathroom to return to the mediation room. Scully was sitting at the table once again, looking intently at the fingernails she had bitten to nubs.

"Hi," he slid in right next to her and kissed her cheek. Scully was a little surprised, but it was nice to be able to do that with someone. She'd never felt that close to Paul, or any of the men she'd dated prior to being assigned to the X-files. His kisses were uniquely Mulder.

Deep in her eyes lay hidden sorrow and grief. She had so much pain in her past, his Scully. Pain that was so locked away that she hadn't even told her husband about it. He wanted to hold her in his arms forever, keeping her protected from everything in her past and future. She needed help that he, even as a psychologist, could not give her.

"Paul was in the bathroom, wasn't he?" Scully assumed.

"Shhh, he's coming back in," Mulder didn't want to talk about the conversation he'd had with Paul in the bathroom. He never wanted to revisit her pain, but it was an inevitability in the future if he wanted her to get the counseling she needed.

"Alright, are we ready to start again?" Delaney asked the parties. Mulder and Scully nodded yes, but Paul did not. He took a deep breath, then addressed the mediator.

"Um, I'm interested in changing the terms of my complaint," he said without looking at the two across the table from him. If he had bothered to gauge their reactions, he would have seen two very confused expressions.

"Okay… I guess we can do that here. You're no longer interested in full custody?" Delaney asked, just as stupefied as Mulder and Scully.

"No," then Paul turned to his ex-wife, "Dana, look, it's dumb for us to be here. I know that you're not going to keep her from me. I'll drop everything if you just allow her to be with me for one weekend every other month, then two months during the summer. I'd also like Christmas and spring break. Is that going to be a problem?"

Scully was so shocked that she couldn't speak, but only shake her head. Looking at Mulder, she silently asked if he agreed. He did.

XXX

There was only a minimal amount of paperwork to do that day, but more would be coming later. Outside of the county building, Scully got the courage to leave Mulder's side and walk up to Paul. He was about to get into his white Lexus when she approached him.

"Hi Dana," he was the first to speak.

"Why did you change your mind?" she didn't want to waste any time.

"I realized it wasn't worth it."

"What does that mean?"

"Dane, we never really knew a lot about each other," Paul spoke honestly. Scully had to admit that was true. She'd never even met his parents. "But one thing we do know about each other is that we both love our daughter. And as much as I'm going to miss her, I can't hurt you without hurting her. So no custody case. No judges, no lawyers. Just… please make sure she's happy."

With tears in her eyes, Scully told him, "Of course I'll make her happy. I'd do anything to make her happy. And you really did the best thing, Paul. I would never keep her from you."

"I know that, Dana. You're a good mom."

"She's a good kid."

"She's your miracle."

And on that note, Paul got in his car and left.


	10. Chapter 10

**a/n: here is the last chapter of this story. I'm sorry it took me so long to get it up. hopefully you are still interested in reading and are happy with how it ends. there's a bit of angst up ahead, but it will all work out in the end. tell me what you think, and thank you for those of you who have stuck with me this long.**

* * *

"Are you ready to do this?" Mulder and Scully, hand-in-hand, stood in front of a seemingly harmless looking building of offices. She would make her trek up to the fifth floor alone. Suite 507.

Scully took a deep breath. The words, 'I'm fine' were on the tip of her tongue, but she knew she couldn't give Mulder that answer. Two weeks after her move to Philadelphia, he had shown up on her doorstep with all of his stuff and told her of his new job doing child development research at the University of Pennsylvania. It was the perfect ending, the happily-ever-after they both had been looking for.

But it didn't last. Now that they were living together, Mulder was noticing more and more how depressed Scully was. He had a hard time connecting with her on the same level that they had achieved during their time as partners. Mulder was smarter than to expect that right away, but it was hard to contend with the fact that things were just… different. Their touches. Their glances. Their unspoken communication. Something was in the way; something was blocking the relationship Mulder knew his girlfriend wanted to have with him. And one night, after much stewing, he addressed her about it.

"_You have to be kidding me,"_ she immediately responded, just as he'd expected her to.

"_Scully, please just hear me out—"_

"_No, Mulder. I don't want to hear this. I'm a medical doctor, don't you think I would know if I were depressed?"_

"_No, I don't think you would. I think you would bury the thought so far deep in the back of your mind that you could fool yourself into thinking you were okay. But you're not okay."_

"_That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I know you're missing the FBI, but that doesn't mean you can go around profiling everyone you come in contact with."_

"_I've been thinking about this for a long time. You don't see it, Scully. You don't see how sad you look. The passion and the fire in your eyes… it's gone. And I love you too much to—"_

"_Stop it!"_ she interrupted again, yelling. _"You don't know what it's like to be me, Mulder! Day in and day out wondering how many times you've fucked up. Knowing how many mistakes you made—how many lives you could have lived and being stuck in this one. I hate it! My life was forever changed before I left you and then I threw away five years of it by leaving you. Do you know what it's like to feel that your daughter doesn't deserve you? That your daughter deserves a mom who isn't too sad to take her to the park, or play dolls with her, or… Mulder…"_ she had begun hyperventilating and fell to her knees, _"Mulder I can't breathe!"_

He'd held her shaking body all night, hands on her shoulders, sitting with her between his legs, hoping the feeling of his chest expanding and deflating against her would encourage her breathing to become regular. She fell asleep not long after she fell to the ground, but she was not getting rest. Mulder hadn't expected the dam to break this quickly. She was too strong, his Scully would never have broken so easily.

Maybe she wasn't his Scully anymore. Maybe his Scully had been lost somewhere while they were chasing mutants and her ovaries were getting stolen from her. Watching one daughter die and another grow up without a father. Being cheated on, being abandoned… the longer he thought about it, the more Mulder blamed himself. He was ready to pack up and leave her life like she had done him, until small feet stirred down the stairs.

"_Mulder?"_ Sam was rubbing her eyes. He'd put her to bed that night before Scully got home from working a late shift, more than thankful that she hadn't been witness to her mom's outburst… particularly because of the things she had said.

"_Hi,"_ he tried to pretend that sitting on the living room floor with her sleeping mother was totally normal.

"_What are you doing on the ground?"_ she asked anyway.

"_Just… uh… too tired to make it up the stairs. Sleeping on the floor isn't good, though. I don't recommend it."_

"_You're silly,"_ Sam seemed satisfied with that answer, sitting down right next to them and curling herself up into Mulder's side. When he moved his arm from around Scully and put it around her daughter, he knew he woke her up. Maybe she needed to hear what was going to be said.

"_You love your mommy, don't you sweetheart?"_

"_Yes!"_ Sam nodded her head enthusiastically, obviously wondering why Mulder would ask her such a stupid question.

"_Good girl,"_ Mulder pulled her closer and kissed the top of his head, _"And Mommy loves you too."_

Later, after Mulder had put Sam back to bed, Scully was sitting on the couch with a cup of tea, ready to end the conversation that had begun much before that night. She let Mulder start, though, remaining silent after he sat down.

"_I want you to talk to someone."_

"_Nobody's going to understand."_

"_I used to hear that all the time when I was doing an internship with a psychologist during college. You don't think that a stranger is going to believe what you say. You know that there are bigger problems in the world and feel your mental state is trivial compared to those things."_

"_And I'm a doctor, Mulder. I should be above this."_

"_You're a mother, too, Scully. You heard Sammy say herself that she loves you, you know she does. You are a good mom. But you have to do everything you can to fix _you_ now."_

And that was what led them to Dr. Crawford.

"Hi Dana," the doctor greeted her once she stepped into her office. There was no long couch for her to cry on, which was a good sign. She wasn't exactly sure what she had expected. Scully was still shocked that she had agreed to do this. But she could see the argument Mulder made. And she wanted to feel better.

"Dr. Scully," she couldn't help but say as she shook the middle-aged woman's hand. She couldn't shake the need to be respected, even as she was supposed to be most vulnerable.

"I'd prefer to stick to a first-name basis, if that's okay with you. You can call me Heidi," Dr. Crawford offered. Scully was unsure, but didn't feel like fighting. Nodding slightly, they continued.

"Alright Dana, maybe you can tell me a little bit about why you're here. You can share as much or as little as you're comfortable with."

"Well…" Scully was surprised at the overwhelming need to cry at that moment. She had never felt immediately defenseless with anyone, not even Mulder, before. Gripping the edge of the chair, she tried to sort through her feelings. As the tears kept themselves at bay, Sam flashed through her mind. She had to do this, for her. She had to get better to give her daughter the life she deserved.

"Where this all started is a little messy for me. Umm… a little more than ten years ago I left a career in medicine to join the FBI. I started as a professor at Quantico, but I was then assigned to a unit called the X-files."

Instead of taking notes like Scully was expecting her to, Dr. Crawford listened very intently to her story. She soon began to feel more comfortable around the woman.

"My partner, Mulder, believed very strongly in the strange things we investigated. I'm not going to get into all the weird things I've seen with you, but during our investigations I ended up… I ended up being kidnapped. My sister was killed by a perp who was trying to kill me. I got cancer. I found a daughter I don't even remember having only to watch her die… I'm sorry," Scully began to realize how much she was sharing. She'd gotten good at avoiding that. Everything she and Mulder had been through on the X-files was too incredible for most people to accept—even Scully sometimes.

"It's okay, Dana. You don't have to feel embarrassed here," Dr. Crawford reminded her. Getting another grip on her emotions, Scully began again.

"And five years ago, I don't know what happened. I gave up. I was offered a job in Salt Lake City and I took it. I left everything behind and I told Mulder not to have any contact with me."

"Why did you do that? Was Mulder the reason you left?"

"No. I mean… I guess he could be. But it's not like that," it was a question she hadn't really thought about.

"Tell me what it's like."

"When we were partners… Mulder was everything to me. He got me through some of the roughest times I've ever faced. He was my best friend—someone who I knew cared about me all the time. And I left him."

Scully didn't even know she had been crying until Dr. Crawford handed her a box of tissues.

"And last year, he came back into my life. We started a romantic relationship, and I've moved back East. I thought I was getting happier. But… Mulder's right. A lot is different."

Scully and the doctor spent another hour sorting through some of her emotions—including those she hadn't allowed herself to feel after all these years. They talked about her childhood, her careers, her divorce, her daughter, and Mulder. The sixty minutes flew by, and soon they came to the end of their session.

"Well Dana, I think we've opened up some avenues of conversation together that are worth exploring a little further. I know you weren't exactly sure about this type of therapy, but I know that I would really like to see you again," Heidi told her. Scully dabbed her eyes and nodded, surprised at how much better she was feeling now to have some weight off her chest.

"I agree."

"I also would like to discuss with you some medicinal options. Now, I know that you mentioned you weren't keen on being prescribed—"

"No drugs," Scully knew what her doctor was getting at.

"I just think you should keep the option on the table," Dr. Crawford tried to convince her.

"Heidi… this is hard enough for me. I never thought that I'd seek counseling for… depression," it was still hard for Scully to say the word. "The drugs… they would just make it all too real. And I need to hang on to some sense of normalcy."

"If you're sure you can begin to get better at a rate you're comfortable with without them, then I'll respect your decision. But the point of this therapy is for you to begin to function again, and if anti-depressants would help you do that, then I don't think you should take them off the table."

"Thank you, Dr. Crawford. I'll think about it. Just… not today."

Mulder was waiting in the lobby when Scully emerged from the back. She didn't expect him there, and she wiped furiously at her eyes.

"Hi," he opened his arms for her. She felt better about walking into them. She laid her chin on his chest and craned her head up to see him.

"I thought I told you I'd take a cab home?" In the back of Scully's mind, she knew that he wouldn't listen to her.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay," Mulder explained, folding his hands around her, resting them on the small of her back.

Taking a deep breath, Scully nuzzled her face into him, right below the ball of his collarbone.

"Everything's going to be okay."

XXX

One year and nine months later, 6-year-old Sam was twirling around outside her mother's dressing room, admiring the way the tiny pearls on her white dress looked in the glow of the Christmas lights.

"Look at you, pretty girl," Mulder was almost stunned to see her looking so beautiful. Though his bowtie was too tight and he hated tuxes anyway, all of the discomforts of the day were forgotten when he saw her. She was beyond pretty. She was heart-stopping and he couldn't imagine his life without her.

"Get out of here, Mulder, you can't see Mommy yet!" Sam had been warned by her mom and grandmother that Mulder would try to bend the rules and sneak a peek at the bride before the ceremony. It was one of the reasons she was outside of the dressing room in the first place.

"I didn't come to see Mommy, I came to see you," Mulder scooped her up, delighting in her gleeful laugh. There was nothing like that sound.

"You look very nice, princess."

"Thank you," Sam laid her head on his shoulder. Mulder couldn't see her lasting more than an hour at the reception, but Maggie had agreed to take her for the night.

"How does Mommy look?" Mulder asked deviously.

"I can't tell you," Sammy laughed.

"If she looks nearly as pretty as you, I'll be the happiest man alive."

Maggie, having heard her soon to be son-in-law's deep voice outside of the door, picked that time to make her presence known.

"Sammy, don't wrinkle your dress," Maggie smiled at her granddaughter and Mulder.

"Sorry Mrs. Scully," Mulder set Sam on the floor.

"It's Maggie, Fox."

"Sorry."

"You know, Dana is right behind that door. I don't think it would be wise for you to break tradition," Maggie warned.

"I know. I just find it hard to stay away from her."

"You'll have your time, Fox. Lord knows you've earned it."

He did. They did. And when they were dancing together for the first time as husband and wife later that night, he hoped it would never end.

"This feels so… right," Mulder let his new wife know, kissing her rouged cheek. She had been glowing all night, and her happiness was directly responsible for his.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Scully began crying, though she tried to hide it.

"This almost… this almost didn't happen."

"Shhh. It did happen. It was meant to happen."

"I just never expected to be this happy."

"We deserve it."

**They did.**


End file.
